i prefer working to studying, alot.
at least, i can be myself when working.

i enjoy work to the max today. (: and seeing ah boo made me super happy. =D
alot alot of fun today and it's a super familiar feeling. idk why, but just so. when everyone's having fun while working. when everyone's smiling, laughing... happily.

and supper is enjoyable as usual. :-)
i am super glad that i'm working alot of days next wk... super happy. i miss the chiong work feeling and it's definitely more fun chionging work than sch proj. srly, i feel like changing course next sem... but i know i wont/i cant. -.-" (the thought of school... haiz)

"feel like" &"reality" are miles apart..

one has to be realistic. staying in wonderland for too long will do me no good-definitely.
... i used to love studying... i used to enjoy being the top 3 in class and made it a point to be the top 3 since sec 3.. yet now?!

i used to think that i can balance between everything reasonably well... between family friends work. but not for sch.. i cant balance between family friends work school well at all. not even a pass.

how many times i threw tantrum on my mother because i'm feeling upset over school? how many times the thought of ponning sch flash thru my mind? how many times i wish i could just quit school/join a new course? how many times... i tell myself "give urself more time. you'll grow to like this..." and i think i'm deceiving myself.

the balance in my life is lost.. and i can get rly rly moody sometimes when at home.
sometimes, i could have just stare at the comp screen cursing over nothing... but an empty feeling. like now.. i'm so happy when at work today but now, i feel so damn moody..

first time in my life, i rly cant find a balance after so long...
the balance between everything... i dont feel like telling myself.. "more time will do" anymore. how much "more time" do we have in our entire life?!

3 yrs will fly past and i rly wish it'll be 3 yrs later.. when i open my eyes tmr.

...... i hate this.